I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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