It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
