I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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