As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize