Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
two words...techno handjob
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
