I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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