peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
