there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
