I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
