Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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