there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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