I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
