I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize