I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
