woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
