Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
