Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
