Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
this hospital has no fireball
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
