does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
