Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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