i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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