I didn't shave. On purpose
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
