you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
