Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
