Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My ass is underappreciated
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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