If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
