Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was not drunk enough for that final.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
