I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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