DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
