I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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