yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
