You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
