This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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