Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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