as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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