You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
