Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm really busy with my period
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