My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
