Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize