i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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