did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
