We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
