I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
