You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
