I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
