Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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