I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
