Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
