when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
