textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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