the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
