the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
