i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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