Welp...herpes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
