Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize