wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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