the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i need some magic done to my vagina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
