wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize