I just cut my nipple shaving
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
