im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
