Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
