Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
