I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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