you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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