so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Boobs are out for the taking
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize