I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
