I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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