and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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