while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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