"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
