last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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