I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
