I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
