i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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