did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
