it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
