dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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