I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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