And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
