Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
