just tell him i said nine months
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
