he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
