My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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