i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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