Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
