You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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