She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
